Wednesday, March 18, 2009

dysthymia




i experience a pretty complete major depressive episode after i return from belize.every time.i think there are a lot of reasons:i actually "date" people there(loose term but close enough),so i get some strong emotional stuff going on in me-so then there's the loss of that relationship,inevitably once i get on that little plane and the realizations that the men i have dated don't care much about me anyway/
also i open myself up to people in ways i don't here.i'm not happy here so i don't give off that vibe and draw good people to me/with the help of a good friend,i think it all boils down to belize reminds me that my life is not very full here.and that it is my own damn fault.i am most conflicted because i want to move,but i realize my issues won't go away,they will move with me.i have great hope that the ocean will soothe me,like it always does,and absorb my tears,and provide great relief.now what.......................

1 comment:

debra said...

Please allow yourself to breath and live your best life in this moment, wherever that is.....life is short, folcus on the beauty that brings you joy (no matter what that is, where it is.....)

Allow yourself to feel the love around you.

You are magically talented, in so many ways that you do not even allow yourself to express.....allow that to bubble up to the surface and shine.....

You deserve happiness here and in your Belizen Life.

Big HUGS from KC Baby!!

I can't wait to come visit you in Belize, eat yummy food and visit your fish friends in the cool beautiful waters.......

I wish you well!

Debra