Wednesday, March 26, 2008

yum eggs

i had so much fun with the egg dyes-i ended up creating a "rock"-see?i decided that the key to beautiful colors is patience.that explains why childhood easter eggs were not always so brilliant.
i wondered about how paas has cornered the market on easter egg dye.i bet mr. paas is very wealthy.i have never liked the egg white,in any form.scrambled is the only way i will eat eggs.the only part of the hard-boiled egg i will eat is the cholesterol-laden yolk.the white is like opaque,flavorless gelatin.gross!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

pardon moi

so sorry but i have been re acquainted with "six feet under"
i have not emerged fully.please pardon the inconvenience.
maybe in a few days......

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

extreme procrastination

i have mastered it-it is truly a talent.i have an endless supply of activities to delay any chores or practical things that involve due dates or deadlines.i will share,enjoy!

+drive down to mississippi and take pictures of fields

+go to all the major thrift stores in one day looking for more pieces to add to my found embroidery collection

+i tunes(wowee!-i can work on finding the songs for my ultimate childhood pool party mix)

+dish network

+deciding to spend a majority of the evening looking at my parrot and wondering what she is thinking about

+examining my 18 year old cat,puttins,for signs of declining health-this inevitably leads to thoughts of the afterlife

+going to a forest to view the forest creatures

+renting entire seasons of hbo series,watching the entire series in one sitting and imagining i am larry david,chloe sevigny or brenda chenoweth

+imagining baking exotic cupcakes(not actually doing anything)

+seeing a movie 3 times(there will be blood takes up a good 3 hours!)

+reading the phone book,searching for strange names in dangerous parts of town

+calling those numbers to see who answers

+calling the chat lines to listen to ads,and,therefore,make myself feel better about my unattached status

+go to your grannys house and dig up iris bulbs and marvel about how she planted these bulbs 40 years ago
+watch magnolia for the 20th time(another good 3 hour movie)

Monday, March 10, 2008

west memphis and guatemala and dumplins

i really love lucinda williams,but i have absolutely no idea why she sings of going to west memphis to look for her joy.there ain't much joy in west memphis.there is,however, a wal mart,some apartments that look like hotels,a couple of blue beacon truck washes,and a store that sold me some great towels with a satin appliqued silhouette of a couple.i still intend to go back and get the matching toliet seat cover.the area around one of the blue beacon truck washes is where they found the poor dead boys.that whole west memphis three thing back in 1993.i do not believe they arrested the actual gulity parties,which added to my terror as i passed by the area on my way back to memphis last was all dark and spooky and i was worried the murderer was still around there.anyway i went to the cracker barrel for dinner because i love their dumplins(boiled dough)mmmmmmm!my waiter was a sweet,polite man.for some reason,i suspected he was from guatemala,it was just a feeling,i have not known many guatemalans and have no idea about specific identifying qualities.i asked him where he was from-he said guatemala!i must be a freakin' psychic.we talked about how beautiful belize is.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

movie woes

i loves me some movies.i am extremely passionate about film.movies are the ultimate escape,the best therapy,a beautiful reprieve from reality.of course,i often encounter problems due to my elevation of the experience.i purposely go alone to them because a)i do not want the responsibilty of another persons opinion,i have felt really bad in the past if a friend hates a movie i took them to see b)there is nothing more upsetting/annoying than talking during the movie(i have some chatty friends).that said,when i lived in kc my friend jason and i would always go to the movies together-he was the perfect movie companion and taught me some invaluable ways to deal with talkers.i have not found another person like jason to accompany me so i go alone.he had a three-step plan:1)casually glance at the talker,a quick turn of the head is all that is necessary.if the talker continues,move on to step 2)turn your whole body around or crane your neck and hold your gaze for approximately 5 seconds.step three was rarely used but i saw it once and it worked,although i could feel this persons eyes burning into the back of our heads for the duration of the movie 3)again,look directly at the offender and ask that they please be quiet/stop talking/shut the fuck up(the latter is a fantasy,courtesy of linda partridge from "magnolia")i will need another huge blog entry for that movie
thank you jason for teaching me these helpful steps.since i go by myself and memphis is the second most violent city in the country,i have yet to implement step 3.i remember when you could go to the movies and not have your senses depleted by advertising slide shows(i hope the "roof guys" see no new business for their bad marketing decision-why do you both think looking stern will make people want you to fix their roof?).and the coca cola company should be ashamed of all the stupid trivia they expose us to(i find myself always solving the fill-in-the-bottle-cap puzzles,unwillingly so-the answers are just so easy)and last but certainly not least,one cannot even have a moment of auditory peace during these slide shows because of the always horrific music piped one chooses to listen to these songs on their own.yesterday i went for the second time to see "there will be blood" and was subjected to tears for fears singing "sowing the seeds of love".i have always hated tears for fears,but that song sends me into a mental rage.the chorus is so stupid and in the beautiful surround sound stereo i heard all the noises that kurt and the other one who looks like an ogre made for the musical break.screams and cries and ramdom clangy noises,i guess meant to evoke the frustration of trying to sow these seeds of love.i was actually relieved when the commercials after the slide show but before the previews started.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Whey Dogs Out the Ying-Yang

So I spent the whole week planning an all-vegan birthday BBQ for my downstairs neighbor . . . and come party time, she announces she's on some kind of spiritual cleanse!  Fine by me, I thought--starve yourself.  But would you believe the bitch put away 5 mango dacquiris before the night was over?  

Somebody's gettin an El Porton gift certificate next year.

Yes, You