recovery,continued......

ok so i have been obviously terribly down and nonverbal since my return.i am,literally,too sad to speak.so bear with me.i miss san pedro,my friends,the food and the reef and some fish.when my first boyfriend and i broke up,my dear friend brad gave me this poem by alice walker.every time i am having a hard time with a man i find myself turning to this and it helps me.i have shared it with many lady friends.it's time for an alice walker break!

Did This Happen to Your Mother?

Did Your Sister Throw Up a Lot?

I love a man who is not worth

my love.

Did this happen to your mother?

Did your grandmother wake up

for no good reason

in the middle of the night?

I thought love could be controlled.

It cannot.

Only behavior can be controlled.

By biting your tongue purple

rather than speak.

Mauling your lips.

Obliterating his number

too thoroughly

to be able to phone.

Love has made me sick.

Did your sister throw up a lot?

Did your cousin complain

of a painful knot

in her back?

Did your aunt always

seem to have something else

troubling her mind?

I thought love would adapt itself

to my needs

But needs grow too fast;

they come up like weeds.

Through cracks in the conversation.

Through sliences in the dark.

Through everything you thought was concrete.

Such needful love has to be chopped out

or forced to wilt back,

poisoned by disapproval

from it's own soil.

This is bad news,for the conservationist.

My hand shakes before this killing.

My stomach sits jumpy in my chest. My chest is the Grand Canyon

sprawled empty

over the world

Whoever he is,he is not worth all this.

And I will never

unclench my teeth long enough

to tell him so.

above is a photo of one of the dearest,most adoring men in my life,F.S. Fitzgerald of Inverness,Mississippi.If he had his way there would never have been a need for me to console myself with the above poem......one of the kindest,gentlest souls ever.we were in the cotton field behind his house and i do remember when this was snapped,and the sound of the stalks breaking as he walked me thru the field...