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i have neglected my blog because i am obsessed with facebook!

halloween

a sampling of the past couple of weeks.my wimpy pigtails are now gone,replaced by something resembling ellen degeneres' hair now.not bad.but i still worry i look like a boy-see past posts containing garfield cake for one of several sources of the fear.look how cute cleo is-i like the joel-peter witkin type blurred cleo.my car.and last but not least,

l'baby(brad gets all the credit for this perfect name)

yes it really happened!!!

i am still in shock.i still get goosebumps remembering tuesday night around 10:30pm when we finally began to believe that things could change.i just really have love in my heart for him and all that he believes in.oh and a note to the mccain(less than 10 total)supporters in my life:he does have a u.s birth certificate(duh),he is not a muslim,and wow there were no riots at all,only joyous celebrations.boo ya!

one sign that i need to move to belize

golden rays

i am in awe of these images.i want to go there but i have not been able to find out where-still checking.

i hate politics,but......

i decided to put my obama bumpersticker on my car today.i am so tired of mccain supporters telling me how "scared" i should be about what will happen to this country if obama gets elected.a co-worker drove by my car and he decided to share his opinions.

ignorant:"that better be a mccain sticker"

me:"people like you are the reason i have decided to put this sticker on my car.i would NEVER say anything like that to you"

ignorant:"well i just hope he does not win,this country will be in biiiig trouble"this was said in a southern drawl and he drove off before i could respond.actually that was probably good because i would have probably said something mean.

i wish all the mccain people that have annoyed me would realize that:

a)obama lovers tend to be rebellious by nature and

b)by constantly preaching to us you will only make us hate you more

it's been a long time......

sorry folks,i moved.that is my excuse.will be posting regularly again soon but for now,enjoy this pic of the best bird in the world with the most sensitive and sweet 6 year old in the world,my dear christopher....

belizean serendipity

until yesterday,it had been been 3 months since i had eaten the most wonderful combination of foods ever(rice and beans,stewed chicken,fried plantains,potato salad=traditional sunday dinner in belize).my friend wilhemina always gets a t shirt from wherever i travel.i don't travel much so i think she has 4 total(bahamas,grand cayman,2 from belize)she was wearing her "i love belize" shirt where she works and a lady told her that she was from belize.i met this lady last week.her family is from altun ha-the village is called "lucky strike"and she has relatives in san pedro.she invited me over for dinner yesterday and her family watched me eat and cry and exclaim the deliciousness of the food and how much it adds to my belize ennui(that is my not being there).another thing i remembered yesterday is my observation that it is typical for these very masculine and macho belizean men to admit to,and even be unashamedly proud of music that,in this country,would be considered quite sissy.when in san pedro at a bar where i was the only woman,the men were completely grooving to celine dion(?!?)yesterday the males in the family were in the garage playing pool listening(very loudly)to what i recognized as air supply's greatest hits with some leo sayer mixed in.this is yet another fascinating aspect of belizean culture.i will now remove my cultural anthropologists hat and search for my dinner tonight.sadly, it won't be rice and beans but i am looking forward to another sunday dinner with the leslie family!!!!

furry sings the blues

that song is playing on the jazz station.hejira always kind of bored/fascinated me at the same time-or is it off of mingus?or off the hissing of summer lawns?gee i need to brush up on my joni.....
today was interesting.a client noticed a duck sitting on some rocks near the clinic.along with much help from some guys emptying trash in a nearby dumpster,the bird was eventually taken to the nearest pond.actually,the same pond that granny took our beloved duck,bigfoot, to when he got way to big to run around(and poop)all over her house.she always enjoyed telling the story of the next time we visited that pond and we called his name,how he came running to greet us.unfortunately i have no memory of that-it was perhaps to brilliant for me to remember.
the above card was the most genuine sympathy card i have ever received.children don't mince words.it was picked out especially for me by my favorite 6 year old.his mother said he listened to all the cards in the aisle before deciding on this one.it plays the horrendous song kokomo,but the message is true and beautiful.he said it looks like my pictures of belize..

see you later,isaac...

i have another example to use as to why i don't exercise.they found isaac next to his treadmill and think he died of a stroke.it is sad,he was such an important part of memphis music history.i did get miffed when he quit south park.and i do think scientologists are way crazy and have little ability for self-deprecation.the serious scientologists.my late father installed the recording console into isaac's hi recording studio.and my dad ended up suing him,i assume because he did not pay him in full for the console.mom said that they were at a party with isaac around the time when he wore chains a lot,and that she looked across the room and saw my father standing next to isaac,who was wearing a bright green jumpsuit and lots of chains.i love this mental image.my father dwarfed by isaac hayes.i wish someone had taken a photograph of that."hot buttered soul" will remain as one of the greatest albums,ever.

things i am scared of/other ramblings

darth vader,waking up around 3am(prime paranormal activity),
coast to coast radio show(there is this frantic sound effect music that makes me jump),death,"a haunting" show on tlc.

luther campbell of 2 live crew fame now has a reality show.the episode i saw last night showed him shopping for a computer program which would prevent his son from accessing any adult material on the internet.
oooh i loves me so 2 live crew-nasty misogynist rap is actually one of my favorite types of music-i find it entertaining and heelarious.

i voted last night in a local election.i love my poll because it is in a senior center.i enjoy looking at the posted weekly activities or studying the bridge score cards.last night i was standing behind one of those people who think that they are very funny and entertaining.i was attempting to avoid eye contact when this person got in my face and said something that rhymed,i think it was "hey man,what's the plan?"...he then proceeded to speak entirely in rhymes with a series of utterly rhetorical questions.i was very embarrassed for him.even the 90 year old ladies collecting signatures looked up at me with a "help me" expression on their faces.while in the voting booth i heard a lady raise her voice and say to someone "you just assaulted me,look at my arm,you grabbed and assaulted me" i recognized this crazy lady as someone who i had been annoyed with in a professional situation.the poor accused 90 year old stood up and yelled in her loudest voice for this lady to leave her alone and continued to argue with the aforementioned hysterical lady.what is this world coming to?poor old lady....

the embassy

this is my new apartment building.i had only been on the waiting list for a month!i figure i will be able to pay off my bills within the first year and visit belize more often then we'll see-i may move after that.the important thing is the universe is helping me out with my goal.there are a lot of elderly people in this building,and if i feel like a perm i can just mosey on down to the beauty shop!it is a new feeling to choose a new place to live based entirely on it's proximity to work(1 mile).i did not care that it's tiny,or if it had character,or if it's in a funky neighborhood.belize threw all that out tha window.

on a second note-i went to an estate sale(i don't go to many despite my curiosity because they always make me sad).anyway i was in a bedroom closet looking for treasures and spied this old shoebox up on the top shelf-it contained at least 20 packets of kleenex,circa 60's thru present.it was so odd that one would keep a box of mini-kleenex.maybe she was prone to tears or a runny nose.i'll never know.

like,totally

the second best birthday cake ever

mom has been unearthing old photos.i think this was my 8th or 9th.it is clear i was about to enter a phase that my evil sibling called "the boy".this was before my first and last couple skate experience with stuart morrison(actually,there were no more after that with anyone)i was in heaven,i like to think the song we skated to was "sailing" by christopher cross,but i cannot be certain.all i know was that the glorious time was interrupted by some boys who pointed at us and exclaimed "look at those gays".i had never heard that word before but i think stuart had,as he abruptly let go of my hand and skated off into the distance.yes,my hair was short and there was no chest development of course, BUT i was wearing a yellow izod(with the little alligator-the GIRLS alligator)and an elastic rainbow belt!anyway i really want a cake like this for my 37th birthday.note odie's drool!the drool is very animated,don't you think?

poltergeist

Sage,Puttins (Puts) Natasha

Puttins Sage April 1991-July 24th,2008
Puts was born in northern California in the spring of 1991.Her original owner,Kevin Scherer,moved to Memphis and Puts was part of his cross country road trip.She reportedly drooled the whole trip-she tended to drool when she was nervous.In 1995 she became an outside cat,due to the birth of the Scherers first child and their concern about cat allergies.Kevin was my boss and asked if i wanted another cat.I had been considering adopting another because I felt my 2 year old tabby,Sadie Strange was lonely and needy.The first time I saw Puts I was stuck by her beauty and brooding and sensitive demeanor.I knew she was special.Puts was with me thru several moves in Memphis,and to Kansas City.She was responsible for the car seats in my Mazda being mismatched due to my foolish decision to let her "stretch her legs" at a rest stop.She survived a burglary in KC,where she hid in the basement until I returned home.She was right by my side during several unsuccessful relationships,job changes,and the death of my father and beloved grandmother.She smelled like grey dust.3 years ago she was diagnosed with renal disease and declined slowly but remained very excited about her food and spending time with her human mother.I always felt honored when she appeared on my bed.She was my soulmate cat and her passing has left a hole in my heart.Her sisters,Sadie Strange and L'Baby are also grieving this loss.Her final resting place will be in Ecru,Mississippi next to the grave of her great human grandmother,Ona Marie Sage.

laughing

i would like to send a big shout-out to brad,who,once again,has introduced me to an addiction.how in the hell does a dj mix hall and oates,ciara,sonic youth(!),and 2 live crew,just to mention a few.i am blown away.i hate "dr. laura" but i do like to listen to her show to hear how much of an idiot she is-i cringe at the way she berates these poor dumb people who ask for her advice.oh she is a horrible lady!i hate yardwork but i love my passionflower-it looks like it is from outer space.this week i have gone home and watched the first hour of "the 40 year old virgin" and laughed out loud every time.there are some truly amazing things in that movie.the lionel richie song,the asia poster,catherine keener's smile.i just love it.it is time for me to take my antipsychotic medications-night night!

sorry

oh lordy be my current funk has resulted in a lack of any creative pursuits.seeing wall-e(even with my favorite 5 year old)did not help.waiting for all the serotonin receptors to become active again.right now,pbs(albeit fuzzy because i forgot to pay my cable bill)and my comfy bed are my primary source of comfort.i'll be back soon!this too shall pass.

jimmy cliff

i have been obsessed with the movie "the harder they come".it is not a really great movie,but fascinating and entertaining and good to look at.i think part of it's charm is that,if i close my eyes when i am listening to the voices,i can imagine i am back in san pedro.the pidgeon english is so comforting to me.also i have discovered my love for jimmy cliff-he is such a living treasure.i found out today that cleo will only have to be quarantined in house in belize-i let her know that.no need to be separated from mom for the first 30 days of our new life.she was very glad to hear that.and the planning continues.....

the nice man who bought a bird

i do not know this man's name.all i know is his vintage cage caught my eye and then his assorted medallions impressed me-playboy(several)a zodiac piece or two and rings on every finger.he had a lot of adornments.

kindness

on my way to work i noticed a robin with a worm in it's mouth hopping up to a friend.he offered him some of his worm.seeing that display touched me very much and reminded me that even what seems as a very small act of kindness on our part can make all the difference to someone else.

thought for may 10th

"To love at all is to be vulnerable.Love anything,and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.If you want to make sure of keeping it intact,you must give your heart to no one,even to an animal.Wrap it carefully 'round with hobbies and little luxuries;avoid all entanglements;lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.But in that casket-safe,dark,motionless,airless-it will change.It will not be broken;it will become unbreakable,impenetrable,irredeemable." -c.s. lewis

more wisdom

from my "ask and it is given" card deck by esther and jerry hicks.it was randomly chosen today,actually it was on top.instead of rereading of the employment policy in belize,i will concentrate on this card....

big brother is here

those of you that know me are aware that i am an overly cautious driver.not one to purposely run red lights.obviously the germantown police seem to have a very technologically advanced photoshop program.

hair

i have been growing my hair out for over a year.my goal was pigtails.i have achieved that goal.the ends of the pigtails are itchy on my shoulders.i wake up in the morning and my hair looks like a bird's nest.it is very hot here and all i do is wear it up in a messy bun or ponytail.i have noticed that i have a strange shape to my head.i am getting it cut tomorrow and nothing anyone can say will stop me.it is too hot to live in memphis and have long hair.thank you all for the support.i can always grow it back out again.i would love to shave my head but i will not do that-it would be so simple since i cannot fix or style my hair.never have been able to.not one of my talents.it's dead anyway.a big old dead nest on top of my head.....oh and if anyone wants to call and dissuade me i cannot find my cell phone so just leave a compelling message and i will listen to it and erase it and get my hair cut.....

little things

i want to make a little graveyard with moss and lichen.note that it is more expensive to bury someone that to tell them goodbye.everyone needs to read the book "grave matters" by mark harris.it is uncomfortable but utterly fascinating.remember momma-reef ball!!

my new favorite things

combos zesty salsa snacks-made with stone ground corn!!!they are new and pizzeria pretzel combos are now second fiddle.
the commercials on reef radio and love fm in belize-you can listen-go to reefradio.com and lovefm.com-the latter plays really amazing 70's one hit wonders-i heard "sharin the night together"-is that dr. hook?and "shadow dancin" by andy gibb in the past 10 minutes-absolute genius radio!and last but not least,feeding the turtles at audubon park-i saw at least 3 different types yesterday-they will crawl up on the bank and eat from your hand.granny and i had a terrapin named freckles.among other things,she ate mrs. weavers lunchmeat(5 packages for a dollar at pic-pac!)she lived in the unused brick barbeque pit.she smelled a little funny but we loved her until she escaped for a better life....oh and i am currently addicted to dermalogica climate control lip treatment-i am such the product whore!

commitment

i am going to move to san pedro town,ambergris caye,belize before may 2010.i am going to read this post several times a day.

goodbye people

this made me so incredibly sad-it is truly hard to say goodbye sometimes....

redneck suntan

i just wanted to document my first sun exposure since last july.it was gray at first.i just got really into the lamanai flora and fauna and thought the forest canopy would protect me.....i hope this makes yall smile.

i have 3 boyfriends

so what if they are 3,5,and 7?they are good to me!

sentiment/loss/hope

in the final episode of six feet under,as claire is leaving to move to new york,she takes a picture of the family on the front steps.nate is behind her and says "you can't take a picture of this,it's already gone."this is when i begin to cry.i find myself in a very claire fisher-like mindset regarding my recent trip to belize.as soon as the cab door closed i began to tear up and looked behind me to watch the special people i had met slowly fade into the distance.i take photographs primarily to preserve my memories,and to prove that things really happened.the last photo i took was of the cab driver's eldest child.she made me feel better because everything about her was full of hope and promise.isn't that so obvious?i think so.

beyond horror

someone made this,probably someone in taiwan,and it was being sold at gordman's for $19.99

america's next top model

i take so many pics of cleo but it was like she knew this was the real deal,her big break.she gave it all she had.prince would call her a sexy mf.you all should be aware that the only time in her life that she laid eggs(2!)was when i accidentally pushed repeat on her dvd player and she watched "purple rain" for 24 hours straight.needless to say i do not expose her to his purple majesty anymore-my bad!

ode to one of the most wonderful evenings of my life

before my trip i had been listening obsessively to the latest cat power album.those who know me are aware that this means all the time,sometimes listening to the same song all day.for days.i was enjoying my (3rd-4th?)rum punch and feeling generally optimistic and content in general about myself and the situation i was in.that being at a bar on an island looking at the ocean and listening to the end of day ramblings by the local men who came to have a drink on their way home.these ramblings being vaguely discernable to my western ears.certain words or inflections helped me to know the general topics(women,cigarettes,alcohol,fishing,offspring).i was particularly interested in one of these men who was in control of the music.i loved the reggae he had chosen:"iron,lion,zion" by marley and a group i did not recognize that had a song about "maree wa na" that i realy liked.the breeze from the sea was picking up,as i came to expect when the sun goes down.all of a sudden i recognize the familiar strains of the first chords of "ramblin woman" as interpreted by cat power and for a minute thought i was back in my sweet blue yaris jellybean car driving around memphis and it's environs but as i jerked myself back into that moment a wondrous realization of where i was washed over me.that he loved cat power and was amazed that a)i recognized that song so quickly,and,b)i loved her music.we discussed the chills we felt with her voice and how powerful and emotional her music is.my memory of the 4 guys at the bar with"i believe in you"playing and all of us in some kind of wonderful zone.i tried to impress them by imparting my love for teenie hodges and his work with all the stax and hi guys,and how he must have known my father(i am such a little shit name-dropper!)i ordered another drink and was just beginning all the happiness and pleasure and amazing moments to follow in the hours and days ahead.thank you-you know who you are.

blue

i am quite pleased with the new camera

thank you so very much

i am too sad to write that much.i am mourning for the loss of my vacation.i miss b,especially,but i also miss everyone else and the sea,the reef,aqui deli,bicycling,cokes in glass bottles,hell i even miss the daily overdosing of pink bismuth.i want to take my parrot and run back.i am having great difficulty living in the present(eckhart i'm trying!)actually i am not,i am wallowing in my beautiful memories.completely wallowing and sloshing around in them like a pig in mud.help me

la isla bonita

do yall know that madonna wrote that song about ambergris caye,where i am headed in about 8 hours!?it is now 10 pm and i am spending time with cleo,who seems sad because i will be gone so long.i will communicate telepathically.the explicit cat care note i wrote for my mother explains in graphic detail what she should do if my old cat ,puttins,departs from this earth while i am gone.i really hope those instructions are not needed.it may seem maudlin,but i have told my mom what to do with my remains,should i expire before she does.i want to be cremated and made into a reef ball,or wrapped in a sheet and buried in the woods somewhere.anyway i started the rant intending to tell my readers that there will be no posts until may 13th or so.until then i recommend watching some old sanford and son reruns to pass the time.how i love you all.oh,and be sure to watch greys anatomy thursday because kenny barnett is going to be on it!yay!!!!!

the reef

i am soon going to be in the ocean with all kinds of fish and such beautiful light filtering below the surface.i can not replicate the peace i feel when i am floating in the sea.hello to the blennys,trunkfish,puffers,groupers,damselfish,tangs,triggers,barracudas,needlenoses,grunts and last but certainly not least all my favorite selachians.you are my absolute bliss.i hope to see a manta ray this time,but will be satisfied with stingrays and spotted eagle rays.

bird love

cleo is my amazing african grey parrot.this morning she was in the midst of her morning rituals when a chickadee perched on the outside of the window she is near.she looked at it and asked "is it a bird?"she has said this before but never in such a correct context.occasionally when i ask her what noise does a cat make,she will meow.i love her

another example

for all the fans of the panda cheese ball,here is a version for the more mature.same delicious cheese ball but with chocolate sprinkles and an "end result".the latter,i think,was the reason this particular cheese ball remained untouched,even at the "passion party" it was designed for.
availiable in many skin tones.also one can opt out of the sprinkles if that is your preference.
however,the female version does not give you that option.she is a "take me as god made me" cheese ball.if you think that is gross,then go make your own sanitized version of a cheese ball. jesus h. christ!

go tigers go?

my childhood activities were based on the length of basketball games.the words "double overtime" translated into "i am not taking you to the mall to buy a bananarama album today" or "we are just not going to be able to go to the miniature store to find the perfect french provencial bedroom furniture for the lundby dollhouse santa brought you 2 days ago".oh,the agony.i just called my mother and she asked,before hanging up abrupty,could she call me during halftime?it was less of a question,more of a statement.memphis state is poised to win the final four tonight.whatever that means.i am a little excited about it.not enough to watch it but it is kind of neat to hear memphis mentioned in association with this rather than murder.
on a different note i'm going home to take a mr. bubble bath-pour some in the tub,close your eyes,and you could transport yourself back to the anticipation of a night spent with granny,fashioning 'car washes' out of old shoeboxes and shredded kleenex...........